Red Flags vs Green Flags: Being Green Flag People

What SHOULD we look for in healthy relationships? How can we be Green Flag People? Plus, my word for the year, AND a preorder gift announcement!!

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Becoming Green Flag People

Do you choose a word for the year? I wasn’t sure if I would have a word this year. But now I do.

The word is “Connect.”

What is your word? How do you find your word? Share yours in the comments!

Mine was obvious—I almost missed it though it was right under my nose!

For the past few months, I actually told others I was going to spend time connecting deliberately with people. What I mean is: making appointments with people. I schedule Zoom meetings or in-person coffee meetings or phone calls if those don’t work out. My goal is to schedule a few per week.

I have business, family, and friend meetings. For the business meetings, they are usually 15-20 minutes and are often on Zoom. For the more personal meetings, they are often longer and in person.

My goal is to learn. To ask questions. To listen. To offer something to someone if I can.

I’m connecting on different levels and in multiple ways.

Some of these interactions will be at the surface level by necessity—and that’s OK.

We aren’t meant to go deep with everyone—and nor would we have the capacity. But even our most business and functional and surface relationships can use a check-up and we can forge some connections.

But with some folks, we will move (and want to move) to a deeper level.

With connecting, and especially in regard to friendships and strengthening relationships, I ask myself how I want to show up and who I want to be. I came across this post in Instagram a few days ago, and it really resonated with me:

What does a green flag mean? It means the opposite of a red flag. We know the red flags—but what are the green flags?

Green flags mean:

❇️ To be a people who aren’t easily offended but who laugh easily

❇️ To be a people who call to ask, who call to say they care, who genuinely are happy for one another

❇️ To be a people who stick around for the highs as well as the lows

❇️ To be a people who care about what you care about

❇️ To be a people who are safe to be with. Who are kind. Who stand with open arms.

❇️ To be a people who are generous and gregarious in their love and kindness.

I’m drawn to such a people. I want to be such a people. This speaks love to me. This speaks friendship to me. This speaks the language of belonging to me.

That list of “green flags” is the kind of energy I want to bring and attract, and the kind of person I aim to be, and the kind of people I want to be with. It’s life-giving instead of draining. Life is way too short for less. (This slide has been shared on Instagram (and it’s been shared a lot, from what I can figure out. I can’t tell if it’s attributed correctly, as there are other slides with the same information on them.)

But I have a few more green flags of my own to add:

❇️ You see my ethnicity and skin color.

❇️ Your acceptance of me isn’t dependent on my ethnicity or race

❇️ Being a safe person means you see my ethnicity and celebrate it with me.

As I’m seeking this for myself, I know I must also BE the sort of person I also seek. I am on this journey to BE. Let’s give ach other grace as we walk to this kind of BEING.

In my desire to connect with others, I’m especially drawn to green flag people.

What about you? What are your green flags? Who are your green flag people?

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Preorder Gift Announcement for Beyond Ethnic Loneliness!!

I have just confirmed we will have a preorder gift for those who preorder a copy of Beyond Ethnic Loneliness! For all preorders, you will receive my homemade chai recipe printed on a card in the mail! Quantities are limited (and to the U.S. only); after we max out the printed cards, we’ll send it as a download file. If you have already preordered, you are also eligible. Just fill out this form here!

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New Website!

It was time for an upgrade. Click here to see my brand new, upgraded website. Check it out! What do you think?

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I’d love to hear your word for the year, and what you’d add to the Green Flag list. Who are your Green Flag people? We all need them. As we seek to find them for ourselves, let’s also be Green Flag people for others.

Peace,