Finding Rhythms of Rest and Renewal...
How to Belong to Summer and other stories of belonging
Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience!! And a hearty welcome to new subscribers that just joined in June from in-person events, such as the Tosa Storytelling Workshop and the League of Women Voters panel!! I’m so happy you’re here!
I write about belonging, loneliness, culture, migration, faith, race, and community. You’re receiving this email because you signed up when you received a free resource or some other way. (Please make sure you move these to your primary inbox if you’re viewing via email to keep these from going to spam.)
Finding Rhythms of Rest and Renewal
In the northern hemisphere, we are enjoying the first several weeks of summer. Some of us are melting and wishing to dive in a tub of cold water, and others in colder climes are celebrating a respite of warmth.
We are each standing on a different little patch of ground, under the spell of the same sun.
I’m wading through a myriad of emotions for many reasons. It’s now three months post-book launch (on July 16). I’m thinking about family stuff. The blessings of friendships. The people who hold you and don’t let you go - how precious it is. The feelings of loss and rejection (happens to us all, I know, but hurts nonetheless). Dealing with difficult and toxic people, and with unbelievably kind people and the unexpected joys that dot our days.
I’m appreciating the beauty of the summer season because it is painfully short where I live but I don’t try to remind yourself of that so I can fully enjoy the moment you’re in and yet I have to remind myself so I can fully immerse myself in it—and it’s a delicate balance to get it right. : )
Right now, I’m considering how summer feels like a good time to take a rest and consider how we want to belong in this world. I’m asking myself this question. How do I want to belong, right now, in this particular summer?
How it is going for you? How do you strike a balance? I’m still thinking about the last newsletter (sorry I’m late folks, from mid-May and through June I was running around with all the finesse of a frantic roadrunner. This month got away from me.)
Anyway, I’m thinking back to the last newsletter, and this idea of intrapsychic grief, the loss of the lives we didn’t get to live. There’s also the grief of losses and rejections, of hearing “no” over and over again. If you’re a writer, if you’re a job seeker, if you’re trying to get “in” to something and keep hearing that “no,” you know what it feels like.
We all want to belong to something. We have dreams to pursue. We also have practical needs (like jobs, like finances, and scary low bank balances). ‘Nuff said.
Yet we have dreams we harbor and long to set free. How do the dreams and reality intersect?
We live with intrapsychic grief, and we also live with the “not-yets”, the waiting, the intersection of the current moment and dreams not yet realized. And our dreams must change as life and circumstances result in changes in our lives that are either minor or major and wreak havoc or rob us–and we have to adjust and recalibrate and, in fact, re-dream. Redream our dreams. Make new ones.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m walking these roads as well and “re-dreaming” and figuring out how I’m showing up this summer. So for one, I’m deciding to show up for summer. Here are a few things I’m doing to help my soul:
Stepping back from social media. Too much toxicity, unsafe people, and perfectly curated lives that aren’t real. And taking a break from the pressure to constantly post to stay up with ever-changing algorithms. We need seasons and times away for our health and well-being. So I’ve decided to take a break from mid-July to mid-August from social media. I’ll still be checking email and writing this newsletter. But I want to show up for summer and soak in the season. And that means stepping away from the digital.
Stepping into nature. I’m walking more, noticing more, drinking in the beauty of summer. I haven’t had a real vacation since 2022 (I had a couple weekends here and there since then), and I went to AZ for a few days in the spring, but I was constantly fielding social media because it was just before book launch and had a lot going on. I’m talking about a true let-yourself-go, immerse-yourself-where-you-are and REST kind of thing. So I’m trying to rest where I am by taking walks.
Reading good books. Really good words. Words that nourish, uplift, encourage, delight. The list is ever-growing and I’m thirsty for some good words.
Getting enough sleep and exercise. These are basic, but let’s face it, they can still be a challenge to make happen. Yet it’s important. May and June got away from me. I had too much going on and most evenings full of things I had to address.
Returning to poetry. I read (and write) poetry, and have put it aside for a while for researching and book-writing. I do find poetry a balm and a peaceful reset.
What else would you add to the above list? Share in the comments so we can all learn. Help me, remind me, and with the goal of accountability–ask me how it’s going! At the end of summer, remember to ask me how it went. :)
I don’t want to just survive. I want to thrive. These rhythms and practices are meant to help me do that. I’m trying to figure out balancing the practical needs with the dreams. So I’m thinking right now about rest, recalibration, and re-dreaming during these summer months.
Summer invites me into its fold and I want to be lost in the beauty and wonder and joy of life springing anew. The flowers and birds simply burst forth in their own glory and joy and are oblivious to the plights and politics of their human cohabitants.
So I’m reminding myself to drink in the delight of this bursting summer world, of wonder, of warmth, of laying in the green grass and staring into the blue sky, and dreaming a few dreams.
Here’s a beautiful poem titled The Trees, by Philip Larkin:
So tell me, how it is going for you? How do you strike a balance? I truly am interested and learning alongside you.
A Bite-Sized Immigrant Story
My parents left India & came to America with nothing, with the intention of saving money & going back to India. They ended up staying & building a life here. I've been here since I was one-year-old & we are U.S. citizens. Ours is an American story, and we too are Americans.
On July 4, we celebrate both our dual and multiple ethnic and cultural heritages. Our immigrant stories are American stories.
Celebrating the fact I am a U.S. citizen in no way diminishes my pride in my heritage. And celebrating my ethnic and cultural heritage and immigrant story as an Indian in no way diminishes my identity as an American. I celebrate both my Indian and American heritage; I am Indian & I am American.
(I shared the above on Threads, it got a lot of attention, for the most part it's positive.)
My regular followers know my stance on celebrating our ethnic identities, and know, in fact, that I wrote a book about our ethnic loneliness.
The truth is it’s complicated. nuanced, and not so simple. Is this country perfect? No, not by any means. Do I wish to see things changed? You bet I do. Full belonging is not there for all immigrants or ethnic and racial groups, or minority groups. We know the history. We know the pain of not belonging and being treated as perpetual foreigners.
My desire is to use my voice in whatever platform I have, and whatever small place of privilege I have to help bring change, to bring awareness, to educate, serve, to encourage other “minority” groups find belonging.
As @esaumccaulley masterfully wrote in his NYT opinion essay on July 4, “loving America means expecting more from it."
We don’t hide from the dark places in our past, from our history, from our problems. As a nation, we speak the truth about it. And as he so wonderfully wrote, and I also concur, our emotions of love and pride reside in the same heart that abhors the atrocities this nation has committed (erasure of indigenous populations, slavery of African Americans, the Japanese internment camps, and more).
I can't erase the culture I grew up in.
I also can't erase my ethnic identity.
I am both/and.
What parts of your identity are also a both/and? ❤️🤎❤️🤎
Do You Ask Your Guests to Take Their Shoes Off?
A recent viral article in the New York Times said it was rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes. And the backlash, the response, struck a nerve. Especially among South Asians.
As far our house, we do take off our shoes. It keeps the house cleaner. And generally, most guests do, and some ask if they should remove their shoes. But there are times when we are lenient and we aren’t sticklers. Loving people doesn’t mean being a hard-liner about this. For example, an elderly person visited not too long ago and couldn’t. But in general, yes, we take off our shoes. But if a guest can’t or prefers not, it’s OK.
Do you take off your shoes in your house? Do you have a policy of asking guests to remove shoes? What say you?
(The photo above is from an article posted in The Juggernaut.)
Book News, Reviews, Speaking Events, and More!
Here are some places you can find on the web and online lately!!
Thank you to the Englewood Review of Books for posting an excerpt of my work!
I was honored to be interviewed by Women of Welcome! Here is Part one of our interview. They are posting snippets and highlights on their Instagram this summer, including this post about perpetual foreigners. : ) Please give them a follow and check out their content.
I was thrilled to be interviewed by Chasing Justice IG Live and highlighting my book as a summer book read and on their website book club, as well as hosting a giveaway!!
It was a joy to speak with Father Ron on his Amplify Radio, live, which is heard in 38 states! Click here to listen (but listen soon, as it’ll only be there another week or so)!
Thank you to Erin Lane for doing a bite-sized Q&A on her Substack, Good for You News!
I had the incredible honor to be asked to be a featured speaker at the Tosa Community Fair, where I led a storytelling workshop and have a book table! Photos below. : )
On June 22, I was honored to be a panelist at the League of Women Voters inclusivi-tea, speaking about diversity! Each table had a centerpiece highlighting a different book and mine was one of those highlighted and I was delighted to sell and sign books!
In early June, a friend who missed the other book launch events and wanted to host an event at her house!! It was a blast and we had a FABULOUS discussion. Loved it! I made chai for about 20 people, signed and sold some books too.
Appearing on the Found Family podcast talking about ethnic loneliness!!
It was a privilege to be part of a White House listening session talking about the South Asian Christian community and discrimination. Such a great discussion.
Giveaways!!
I’ve got TWO giveaways for you!!
First, to celebrate the 3 month birthday of my book baby, I’m giving a free download of my Audiobook to one randomly selected subscriber! I adore audiobooks (I’m an avid audiobook listener) and it was a dream come true to have the joy of narrating my own audiobook. I absolutely LOVED doing it. I only ask that as the winner, you review it!
Second, I’m excited to give away a copy of Looking Up by Courtney Ellis. Her book is wonderful and I know you’ll be encouraged by her words about grieving as well as birding, and the conjunction of the two. She’s funny, too, and you’ll laugh. And, she’s just as nice in person as she is online and in her book, which is why I’m delighted to do this.
These giveaways are for subscribers only, and if you’d like to be entered, just reply to this email by Sunday night, July 21, 9pm CT and let me know which giveaway you want to be entered in, or if you want to join both, and I’ll choose 2 random names. U.S. addresses only. Good luck!!
Book Reviews
A hearty thank you to all who’ve read my book, and the kind notes, comments, and messages sent my way. As an author, I LOVE hearing what you loved about the book!
I could use some more reviews - we’re close to 30, and I just need 3 more for that! But we get on a special Amazon list if we get to 50!! If you’ve read the book or listened on Audible, whacha waiting for? (Hint - there aren’t any audiobook reviews yet!) Reviews help get the book in front of more readers. : )And it can be short, like “I liked it!” or “It helped me”. The length doesn’t matter but the number of reviews do count. Click here to review!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
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What new rhythms are you putting in place this summer? What restorative practices work for you? Do you take off your shoes in your home? Yay or nay? Plus, don’t forget to hit reply to enter either of both of the giveaways! : )
Peace,
I love the way you phrased the question "how can I belong this summer?" It is a different from "what will I do this summer?" or "How will I relax/take care of myself this summer?" in that it emphasizes connection. I like that you did not limit connection with people but also included books and the season itself.
I appreciated your comments on how you do not need to choose between being American or being South Asian and how loving a country involves asking more from it. If I love a person I would also want is best for them and would not want them to harm other people.
Regarding asking guests to take off their shoes: I come from a Middle Eastern culture and we too have a culture where we take off our shoes before entering a home (or, in the case of practicing Muslims, a mosque). I missed that NYT article but I'm curious if the writer had a response to the pushback.