All The Lives We (Haven’t) Lived
Are you living the life you want to lead?
Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience! I write about belonging, loneliness, culture, migration, faith, race, and community. I’m so happy you’re here! You’re receiving this email because you signed up when you received a free resource or some other way. (Please make sure you move these to your primary inbox if you’re viewing via email.)
There are lives I haven’t lived.
I’m not talking about reincarnation or past lives or anything like that.
I mean that we have many lives we haven’t lived based on the choices we’ve made and circumstances in our lives.
We have parts of our lives we may have stuffed away and hidden, for a myriad of reasons. For example, maybe you wanted to be an artist, but you had financial obligations and couldn’t risk the financial uncertainty of making a living as an artist.
Maybe you’ve felt like you couldn’t show up as yourself in some way or another.
I just finished reading All the Time You Need by J.S. Park and in the book I learn a new term, called intrapsychic grief, the loss or grief we experience for “what might have been,” or losing an emotional image of ourselves. Yes, there is actually a name for this.
In my own life, I experienced this in a few different ways. One of the ways, which I haven’t talked about before, is that for years I planned to go to medical school and become a doctor. I had already integrated that into my identity. So when I didn’t attend, and time went by, years went by, I grieved what could have been, that identity I didn’t have, that situation that didn’t happen. It took me years to grieve, actually.
Another way I experienced this is in my own identity formation and accepting my ethnic identity–grieving the years I rejected it, something I talk about in more detail in my book.
Maybe you’ve experienced something like this, too.
Sometimes we lose these parts of our lives because of choices we’ve made. But sometimes it’s because of what was taken from us or what happened to us, such as abuse. Abuse is a thief–it robs us of ourselves. Abuse and trauma take away from us: our time, our identity, our health, our freedom, our sense of safety, our well-being, our sense of self, and the list goes on.
And we have to take time to grieve what we lost.
A first step toward healing means first we are aware of this, we acknowledge it, we name this loss. We name the lives we have lost. And then we can move forward. Then we can embrace the life we have, and courageously move toward building the life we want.
What lives are you grieving today? What do you need to name to move forward? (Feel free to share in the comments or you can reply to this post and it will send me an email.)
Podcasts!
I’m so excited to share a few wonderful and meaningful conversations I’ve had recently.
Live Faith First podcast with Elliot Sands
Elliot told me before we began recording that for the first time he might cry on a podcast, because my book brought up so many memories for him. And I was really touched that a stranger to me (this was our first conversation) would say that. It was a gift to me. And we had a great conversation! Did he cry? (I won’t spoil it for you! : ) Listen here on Spotify.
Bold, Brave and Beautiful podcast with Barb Roose
Barb is powerful speaker, author, Bible study writer, podcaster, and she is also happens to be my literary agent! Barb wears many hats and she is the one who walked me through this entire book publishing process, from proposal, to punisher to covers, to titles, to everything. Barb also asks me an impossible question! You’ll have to listen to hear it and my answer. : ) It was a special treat to be able to have a conversation with Barb on the other side of the process, now that the book is released. Listen here or on iTunes. And she is giving away three (3!!!) copies of my book!!! (three exclamation points, see what I did there?) Click here to enter.
Instagram Live with J.S Park, author of As Long As You Need and the Voices We Carry
I quote Joon’s book (The Voices we Carry) in my own book, and I’ve followed him on social media the past few years. He is a hospital chaplain and grief advocate. When I began reading his book, I found that we had even quoted a couple of the same sources and books, and had some overlapping themes and topics—and I was flabbergasted! I asked him if he’d be open to an IG Live and he graciously said yes. His newborn son also made an appearance! We had a delightful and meaningful conversation about identity, grief, loneliness, growing up as 2nd gen immigrants, and our books. This was our first conversation - listen to the IG Live here and Joon said he wants to have another conversation! Holding to you that, Joon! (I don’t think he reads this, lol, but posting that here for you :)
I feel so blessed with these conversations, partly because I also feel like I’m making new friends. What a gift to meet and talk with new people about things that matter! Not taking it for granted.
Writing and More!
In terms of writing, I had the privilege of writing an article for AAPI Heritage for Missio Alliance, titled Standing in the Middle of the World: A Bicultural Story of Finding Belonging. It was good work to write, and you can read it here.
Honored To Be Mentioned
Plus, I was honored by Be the Bridge for including me on a list of AANPHI leaders! You can view the entire list here–all great people to follow! What a privilege!
I was also honored by Chasing Justice for highlighting my book along with a list of excellent book titles! See the Instagram post here. Blown away!
Tell Your Story Workshop (In person)
I’m excited to share that I'll be leading an in-person workshop titled Tell Your Story at the Tosa Community Fair on Saturday, June 15! If you’re local or in the area, stop by my workshop, attend many free other workshops during the afternoon, booths, and stop by my book table! Fair information can be found here.
Note:
Did you know I’m also a speaker? If your group or organization is looking for a speaker, reach out to me for details! Several folks reached out to me this week about speaking to their church, organization and work group, so I thought it would be a good reminder because I know not everyone knows. : ) Fill out the contact info form here and I’ll get back to you!
Reviews!
We surpassed 25 reviews (hooray)!! That is, apparently, the first number to cross with reviews so that Amazon’s algorithm pays attention. Thank you for reading and reviewing!!! Keep them coming! You did this–we did this! A couple of you have asked how you can help get the word out. Here are a few simple things you can do:
Keep the reviews coming! Review the book on Amazon here. Even if you didn’t buy the book on Amazon, you can still add a review there. Really only a sentence is enough (of course you can write more if you wish)! The more reviews, the more visibility the book will get.
You can copy and paste the same review on Goodreads here
Ask your library to order a copy for your library system. It takes just a minute and gets the hands in front of more readers
And if you haven’t ordered yet, the Kindle is on sale for $8.99, or try the audio version (which I LOVED recording!!! - you can leave a review for that, too!)
Share the book with your small group, church group, workplace, or friends.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Around and About
Last week I visited Door County, WI, went on some hikes and went on my first fish boil! Here are some photos from the hikes, the lake, and the fish boil. This little trip was short but it was the refreshment I needed. What’s bringing YOU joy and refreshment?
The life that you’re living now—is it the life you want to live? Is it authentic to who you are?
Make it a lovely one!
Peace,
P.S. Don’t forget to sign for Barb’s book giveaway!!! Enter here to win for you or for a friend!!
P.P.S. I usually send out my newsletters on Mondays. I’m trying out Fridays because I was spending my weekends working on the newsletter and that is not sustainable, and I need that time as a break. What do you think of the new day? Let’s see how it goes! : )
Intrapsychic grief - interesting! I have felt that and never knew there was a term for the feeling. Thanks for teaching me a new word today!