Book Updates and a Poem

"Weaned from timidity" and the latest book updates

Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience. I write about belonging, identity, loneliness, culture, migration, faith, race, and community. I’m glad you’re here! (Please make sure you move these to your inbox if you’re viewing via email.)

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
Which sets us free.
-Maya Angelou, “Touched by an Angel’

Last week, I went to a unique training session, unlike any kind I had experienced. I’ve been to all kinds of workshops and small groups, and this one was different.

It was called “community building,” and I wasn’t sure what to expect. There were business leaders, nonprofit leaders, professors, retirees, students, all genders, all races (Asian, Indian, Black, Brazilian, South African, West African, White), all socioeconomic statuses. I didn’t know anyone. I thought it would be full of strategies and more business-oriented. But it wasn’t like that.

It was about listening. It was about vulnerability. It was about transparency. It was about being emotionally present. It was about creating a safe environment for building community—sharing honestly—what you wanted to share.

We were a group of about 25 people coming together, most of us strangers. When we were in Circle Time, people were given the opportunity to share if they wished. And people shared deep and difficult things. With strangers. (At least I didn’t know anyone.)

I’ve been in small groups where it never got to that level. I’ve had friendships that never got to that level. So what happened was quite phenomenal. I thought, wow, if only we could get to this point more often. If only we could all learn a few simple communication rules—go through this training—if groups of people of all backgrounds, cultures, beliefs, races, religions could sit in a room like this, just like we did, we’d all see each other’s humanity a bit clearer.

The interesting thing about those two days is that these were a group of strangers, but I left with a greater sense of belonging. I left feeling a sense of trust with those people.

It was fascinating.

And the whole thing—it worked. It worked. It’s called “community building” and I keep asking myself: why aren’t we doing more of this kind of thing?

In the groups you have been part of, how long did it take to get to the deeper stages of conversation? To develop trust? To the stage of belonging?

If you want to find something like this in your area, it’s called “community building”. And this training was free—though some are free, some aren’t. And I will say, it was totally worth it.

As part of the “training,” we read poetry, and I randomly read the poem above. I was struck by the lines, “We are weaned from our timidity / In the flush of love's light.”

And that’s exactly what I experienced: a weaning from timidity, in the space and circle of trust. Those times when we are most welcome and free to share, when we most belong, are those moments we have been weaned from timidity by love. What a beautiful thing.

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BOOK UPDATES

It’s coming soon, folks!! And I have all the feels!

In the next few months, this space is going to have more book updates and launch info, leading up to the book launch! So, just want to give you a heads up about that. And I’ll be sharing more newsletters these next couple of months, like maybe twice a month, or even weekly during April when the book comes out.

There is so much to share!

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AUDIOBOOK RECORDING

I was thrilled to have the opportunity to actually record the audiobook version of my book! This was a dream come true. I’ve always wanted to do this.

So on the way to record the audiobook. You won’t believe what happened.

Oh, the irony! Here I was on my way to my first day of recording my audiobook: a dream come true. And ON MY WAY to record my book, 𝑩𝒆𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝑬𝒕𝒉𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝑳𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔: 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑷𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝑩𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈, I was told "to go back to where I came from," and not in a nice way.

It was my first morning of recording in Chicago: the air was brisk and chilly, and the sun was rising in the morning sky. I wore a black scarf around my mouth and nose to protect myself from the cold air.

Just a block after exiting my hotel, I heard the words from a stranger walking toward me on the sidewalk:
"Get your a $ $ back to where you came from. We don't want you here B ### h!"

I kept on walking straight ahead, making no eye contact, offering no response. For my safety, I chose to ignore. I wondered if he'd come after me. 

Thankfully that did not happen.
Here I was headed to record my audiobook about 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜.

These are words I actually write about in the book. And spoiler alert: it's not the first time I've been told "to go back." 

Oh, the irony! I didn't allow it to dampen my spirits. It didn't change the fact I was on my way to do something I had dreamed of doing. It didn't change the fact I had poured my heart and soul into this book and I now had the opportunity to record it in my own voice. 

Has someone said something like this to you?
If not, my book explains what it feels like.
If you have been told this, what did you do? How did you respond? 
I talk about situations like this in my book, and offer some suggestions on how we can find belonging.

Oh, the irony!!

Recording the book was fantastic. I enjoyed the experience immensely.

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PREORDERS

Preordering. What does it mean? Several folks have asked me about this. It simply means you are placing an order for the book in advance and it will be mailed to you so you get it on or near the official release date, (April 16, in the case of my book).

But why do preorders matter? Did you know that preorders are important for helping a book get greater visibility on Amazon? At this stage, preorders help the algorithms get the book in front of more people and Amazon will give it more visibility. Plus bookstores and libraries take notice, too. So, if you haven’t preordered, I’d love you to consider! The button below will take you to Amazon, but you can buy wherever books are sold.

AND, soon after April 16 (release day), good reviews are vital to keep the book algorithms going strong. The more reviews on Amazon, the more visibility they give the book. It helps get the book in front of bookstores, libraries, and other mysterious movers of the book universe. : )

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FESTIVAL OF FAITH AND WRITING

I’ve been waiting for this event for 4 years! It was canceled in 2020 and it’s finally back in person this year. The Festival of Faith & Writing typically is held every other year, and is a place for all literary folks, readers, writers, those who love books, publishers, editors, authors, journalists, poets, essayists, etc., of all faiths to convene in one spot. If you love books, love to read, or love to write, you will find something of value here—and you will find your people here.

People come from all over the country, with headline events by Yah Gayasi, Anthony Doerr, Tracy K. Smith, and my amazing author friend, Mitali Perkins. If you’re on the fence, let me encourage you to step on over. Feel free to reach out to me with questions, if you’re the least bit curious.

I’m delighted to be leading a Festival Lunch Circle with my good friend, Dorena Williamson. If you are coming, let me know so we can connect! And if you or someone you know is a woman of color who is attending, please tell them about our Festival Lunch Circle!

ONLINE BOOK LAUNCH GROUP- COMING SOON!

Speaking of book events, in a few weeks, the online book launch party is OPENING UP!! You, my dear readers, are hearing about it FIRST.

I would like to invite you to join. It’s free and open to anyone. This is going to a be a fun and kind community, with amazing give-aways during the four weeks. As part of the private Facebook group, you pre-order the book, then you’ll get the pdf of the book so you can start reading right away, and you agree to review it on Amazon, Goodreads, and Barnes & Noble.

The group will OPEN on March 28. Don’t worry—I’ll be sending more reminders between now and then and will share the link here, too.

But wait! There’s more!!

There are podcast episodes coming soon!! I’ve recorded several and have a few more coming up. As soon as they release, I will share links with you.

I want to say a huge thank you to those who have early review copies and have said and written such KIND WORDS about the book. You have NO IDEA how encouraging it is. I am so grateful for the beautiful words you’ve said to me and the words you’ve shared.

It’s a special kind of feeling knowing your words have impacted someone, especially after pouring so much into the book—so much of me, myself, my life, my journey, and also so much research (reading well over 40 books). I’m grateful to those who have been so kind. Thank you.

Here are just a few endorsements and reviews:

“This book will challenge your assumptions and help you walk in the outsider’s shoes.” – E.L. Sherene Joseph, writer and storyteller

“I felt seen by Prasanta Verma’s thoughtful reflections, compelling stories, and poignant poetry…I wish I’d had a book like this much earlier in my life and commend it to anyone looking to learn and grow in this area.” – Sabrina Chan, author of Learning Our Names and national director of InterVarsity Asian American Ministries

“Beyond Ethnic Loneliness is a magnificent work. With passion and clarity, Verma gives voice to a quieted minority.” – Josh Olds, pastor, podcaster, head of Life is Story

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WHAT I’M READING

Here are the books I’ve read so far in 2024:

• Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt

• The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon

• How to Know a Person by David Brooks

• The Brutal Telling by Louise Penny

• How Far to the Promised Land by Esau McCaulley

I’m gradually making my way through the Louise Penny Three Pines/Inspector Ganache series. They are excellent! And I read a new-to-me author, Ariel Lawhon. I’ve read several of David Brooks books and this one is outstanding; well worth the time. McCaulley’s memoir was good for me to read, as someone who also grew up in Alabama, but who had a very different experience. All of those books above were good reads. : )

What I’m reading (or listening to) right now (I usually have several books going at once):

• Find Your People by Jennie Allen

• The Women by Kristin Hannah

• The Creative Act by Rick Rubin

• Start With Welcome by Bri Stensrud

My list of books to read is huge. It’s a busy season at the moment, but I’m trying to get through as many books as I can. I listen on 1.5, 1.75, or 2x the speed on audiobooks (depending on the narrator) and that helps me to get through more books.

What are you reading now? Have you read any of the books above? If so, what did you think? Comment below. : )

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A KINDNESS

I was talking with a friend (Jodi Grubbs, who has a book coming out in April, too, that you don’t want to miss, called Live Slowly) last week who said something that has stuck with me: this book, this whole situation, is God’s kindness. The book, the audiobook, being able to write a book, the whole thing. It’s a kindness. And I really like thinking about it like that.

Another friend (Sarah Westfall, who writes Human Together here on Substack, and also has a book coming out this spring, called The Way of Belonging) wrote on social media, “we must untangle our offerings from the outcomes.” So good, right? For those of us who walk in this tension between our creative work and the need to market and to promote, we need to separate our efforts from our outcomes. Yes, because a book doesn’t define us. A best-seller doesn’t, and neither do any kind of sales numbers. They aren’t what make us who we are. They don’t change our effort or work. Let’s untangle ourselves from the outcome. This is wise. And it’s a kindness to ourselves.

What outcomes do you need to untangle from in your own life?

I count it a joy to have several friends who are releasing books this year (Sarah, Jodi, and Jenai who I mentioned in last month’s list of WOC books coming out in 2024). What many kindnesses!

What kindness are you thinking of today? I’d love to know.

I’m looking at the whole book release events also as a celebration. A celebration of so much good. Thank you for celebrating and being on this journey with me!

Peace,