When You Don't Know the Ending
And how this is so much like life...and how we can't force your way to belonging
Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience! I write about belonging, loneliness, culture, migration, faith, race, and community. I’m so happy you’re here! You’re receiving this email because you signed up when you received a free resource or some other way. (Please make sure you move these to your primary inbox if you’re viewing via email.)
Dear friends,
Recently I heard acclaimed poet Christian Wiman share that if he knows the ending of a poem, then the poem is already dead. In other words, he needs to be surprised by the ending. He doesn’t know how it’s going to end until he gets there. The poem needs to speak for itself. The poem has its own ending that needs to emerge, without the poet forcing something to work.
I’ve been thinking about that ever since. I think of how often I try to “force” something to happen - a great line, a whammer of an ending to a poem (super difficult to do!), or making a particular point in a piece of writing- and how forcing it, well, feels forced!
And the reader knows it, too.
And then I think, this is really how it is in much of life, too. We can’t force something to happen. We can’t force people to like us. We can’t force anyone to love us. We can’t force our way into a job. We can’t force our way into first place. We can’t force our way into certain rooms and rings of power.
We can’t force our way into belonging.
And—truly—would we want to? Wouldn’t we want each of these based on a voluntary choice, based on merit, based on being chosen? Instead of forcing our way in?
In the same way as a poem with an unknown ending, our endings are unknown, too. We can only control so much—and even if we are somehow successful in controlling this or that—our endings are unknown. We may not know how (or if) a particular relationship will end, or if a particular job will end. We may not know the results of a particular diagnosis. We don’t know how our time on earth will end (or exactly when). No matter how hard we may try to orchestrate a particular ending, we truly do not know.
Maybe that’s one reason (of many) that reading is so satisfying: we can reach the end of a story and experience the semblance of an ending.
So what does this not knowing mean for us?
We press on forward with hope. We take steps of faith. We press on, even not knowing, because we know that even though this journey of walking on earth is fraught with uncertainty, we do have some assurances. We know that God is with us. We know that there is a time and season for what passes. We know that a particular order in the universe is set in motion every day, beyond our power, with planets spinning, seasons recurring, and bright stars exploding and shining in the galaxy. We can’t control of any of these things, yet we see a particular order in the universe at a macro level and at the micro level—but we can’t always it see it amidst the chaos of our own lives. We’re too close to it. So much isn’t random. Yet so much seems to be.
But this I know. While I have been going through a process of deconstruction and detangling teachings in my own life, that certain truths do exist, no matter the particulars du jour of what we may be arguing about. And this process of deconstructing and detangling isn’t a walking away from—rather, it’s a walking toward a more authentic faith. A truer place.
So, I don’t know the endings of many (most) things I will encounter in my own life—or yours. I do know that I have to be at peace with that. And, I do know that how I live these days of uncertainly matter a very great deal.
Question for you: What helps you when you don’t know the ending?
Book Launch Update
Thank you again, dear readers, for your support doing these book launch days.
Here is a brief recap of some exciting things.
First, I had a phenomenal book launch event at Boswell Books in Milwaukee, WI. So many folks, over 75, old and new friends, family, acquaintances, community members, neighbors, colleagues, and church friends came. I was so humbled and blessed by the support! It was wonderful. And the bookstore folks were fantastic. After the bookstore event, we went to an Indian restaurant to celebrate. Here are a few highlights:
If you were there to celebrate, THANK YOU!!!
Just a few days before that book launch, I had the honor of sharing about the book on a local TV station, the Morning Blend Show on TMJ4. It was so fun (and my first time on TV! Here’s the clip you can watch, and here are a couple of photos:
Below are some recent podcasts and articles where I talk about the book:
I was honored to share an article at Christine Caine’s Propel Women website! Read it here.
Red Letter Christians ran an adapted excerpt from my book; you can find it here!
I was excited to be on my friend Mabel’s podcast, Far From Home. Here is Part One, and here is Part Two. I had a great time talking with Mabel and I’ve heard from others of you who enjoyed it, too!
I shared some other interviews and podcasts in the previous newsletter here.
Check them out and let me know what you think. : ) A few more coming soon!
Reviews!
We are up to 20 reviews on Amazon - this is great! (And all 5 star reviews!!! Wow, I’m extremely humbled and grateful!!!) I LOVE the stories you are sharing about the book. They are filling my heart and what any writer would want to hear. I’m so happy to hear the words are making a difference.
I’m told that when you reach 25 reviews, somehow that changes things and Amazon will give a book more visibility. I’m just 5 away! Can you help by showing a little review love to help this debut book reach 25? It only takes a minute to leave a review and the impacts are huge!! Reviews do not have to be long: a sentence or two is just fine. It would mean a great deal to me. Here’s the page to leave a review. Thank you!!!!
A Half-Day Writing Getaway
I had the joy of having a half-day writing getaway this past weekend. You know, since writing the book, I had to take a break from writing for a short while. I needed to rest. My brain was tired and I couldn’t write. Writing the book took a great deal of work.
But now…I’m getting back. I’ve had a rest, and the wheels are turning again. The rust is starting to flake off. The scene was picturesque. Sometimes, you just need a little getaway from the usual. : ) It was a gift to make space to just write again. To think again. Writing is work. But it is also deeply rewarding and enjoyable work. I know to some folks, these photos look like some sort of “vacation.” But those who write know how much mind wrangling and intense soul-work writing is. It isn’t just that we’re pouring out our hearts, minds, and souls. It’s that we are also working on craft, and trying to get better at our writing. Ernest Hemingway said, ‘"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
Indeed. You pour yourself out in your writing—and it is mentally and physically exhausting. But it is very good work.
It’s OK not to know the endings. We don’t know, and won’t know the endings to much of our lives. But let’s hang onto the truths we do know:
We are loved.
We are wanted.
We belong.
Much love to you.
Peace,
