Think Days, Book Giveaway, The Boundary of August
On time, patience, and boundary seasons
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The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.
– Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
Image source: pexels
Time and patience—two things I wish I had more of. We’re all given the same number of days and hours. And patience, well, the amount in that well varies from person to person, does it not? : )
While the number of hours per day is fixed, we do have control over how we spend it.
And regarding patience, though some of us have a varying amount of that virtue in our tanks, the truth is, we also can control ourselves—our actions and speech—and can employ strategies to help us. We can learn how to be more patient.
But thinking of these entities as warriors, and considering how time and patience can be used “for” me, instead of against me, instead of something I am continually fighting is a new thought. The idea of time and patience as “warriors” is intriguing.
The idea of time as a warrior is a proactive approach: to use time for my benefit instead of allowing it to use me. Instead of allowing my days and hours to be swallowed by the inconsequential and frivolous. Instead of allowing the troubles of the day to engulf my precious minutes. I definitely can control some of it—and how I spend my minutes.
And patience? I wish I could buy a bucket of it and dump it on me, or imbibe it, because I lack it, and the practice of patience is itself a test of patience and a long-term pursuit. Yet, if I can learn to be patient in times of attack and trial, it is itself its own weapon. Patience staves off the consequences of a quick retort. It protects me and others. Slowness to respond in anger makes me wiser, kinder, smarter. It makes me a better person. It preserves my relationships.
I read recently that Bill Gates used to take something like a Think Week. He’d go off to a cabin alone with boxes of reading material, do a digital detox, and read and think.
Gates had a private plane and could go off by himself. But for the rest of us, how can we do this?
Sahil Bloom recently shared he does a Think Day once a month. He spends a day with books, writing material, turns off social media, and thinks. So maybe we could take a Think Day.
A monthly Think Day sounds great. But that still isn’t feasible for many of us. If a monthly day isn’t doable, how about a Think Afternoon? Or a Think Hour? Or a Quarterly Think Day? Because I think the idea is such a good one, I’m advocating for whatever works. Implementing a regular plan of digital detox, and making it a priority to read and think, is making time a warrior. We make it work for us, instead of being held hostage by the demands of life.
But what about working parents who are exhausted and have no time, energy, or money to spare? How about single parents? How about stay at home moms, who carry the bulk of caregiving for children and elderly family members? How about single people struggling to pay their bills and who must always find a “plus one”? How can they get a Think Day?
When I was a young mom, I felt desperate for time to think and for time alone. Years ago, when I was a stay-at-home mom and spent all of my waking hours with very young children, I had a conversation with another mom who was as thirsty as I was for intellectual stimulation and time to think and learn. We encouraged each other to take pockets of time when we could to read or listen to a podcast. I’d have a podcast on while washing dishes or cooking dinner. It was a little thing and it wasn’t nearly enough, but it was a small step. And it helped immensely knowing I wasn’t alone.
One thing I wish I had done, however, was to swap kids for a few hours on a regular basis, to give each other that precious time. I had no family around who could help out in any way, and felt I was constantly spinning my wheels, my days churning on looking the same day after day after day. I know some of you are in this stage of life and are feeling it, too—the exhaustion and monotony of caring for young children (or elderly relatives).
One thing is for certain: we can’t do this without each other.
Time and patience might be warriors. But we are also warriors for each other.
We need a community to make things like this happen. We can’t manage without each other, yet so many of us are struggling and barely keeping our heads above water.
Burnout is real. It’s part of our work culture. The American culture is a “can-do” and “can do it by myself” kind of culture. And our kids are growing up with a kind of frenetic pace that didn’t exist for many of us Gen Xers and elder Millennials.
But in order to protect our well-being and not always feel like we’re barely managing, we have to show up for each other.
Our minds and bodies need down time, away from the continual distraction buzzing in our ears and in front of our eyes. We need breaks from work, from caring for others, from perpetual distraction and entertainment, from ubiquitous screens.
We can’t do this alone, and the truth is that we weren’t meant to. Yet, we must find a way, because the isolated cells we live in our post-industrial modern age isn’t sustainable for us. I need you, and you need me. And we can find ways to reach one another. If I could go back and have a conversation with myself, I’d tell myself to speak up and ask others, and to ask until I found someone to say, “Yes. I feel like you do, too. Let’s figure something out.” All it takes is one person willing to speak up, and then others often do, too.
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - C.S. Lewis
I made this collage of flowers from my yard this spring and summer
AUGUST IS A BOUNDARY MONTH
August is a boundary month, a fuzzy line between summer and fall, a season on the border. In some regions the sidewalks are still sizzling, while in other areas, leaves flutter with the tiniest specks of red and gold in slightly cooler breezes.
It’s a wistful month for me. I’m sad to have to wave goodbye to summer, with its burgeoning signs of life and bursts of color and warm sunshine. I’m not ready to retreat to the isolation of winter—actually, the truth is I’m never ready! : )
August is a month of transitions, and I find myself also on the border. I’ve turned in book edits for Beyond Ethnic Loneliness, and I continue the process of fine-tuning, while we gradually progress to the latter stages of the book publishing process.
My mother is here for an extended stay. It took a long time to get permits and to get the work started on building a shower on the main floor, otherwise, having her come earlier in summer would have been ideal, but so much was out of my control. She is here now and we can enjoy some warmth before cold weather hits. So, this is another transition.
Her presence forces me to slow down, because her pace is much slower than mine. It makes me realize how rapidly I move from one task or thought to another. And so here is another place I find myself learning in new ways the virtues of patience and time, and how they are warriors. I recognize what a gift it is to have this time with my mother at this stage in life, in this capacity, to learn about her in a new way, to learn of her life. She is in the autumn of life—but how many of us really know how close we are to the border? The truth is we all live in this boundary place, the place between life and the one beyond, and most of us don’t truly know how close we are.
The mandate for me is the same: to use my time well, and not let it use me. I am conscious of how I can walk in this boundary space with an attitude of love, of generosity, of kindness, of joy. It isn’t easy for me; my modus operandi is to move fast. But then, I’m less likely to notice.
The task in front of me, in the midst of my other responsibilities and daily living, is to make room for her and her stories. Because capturing those stories is something I can and must do. A person’s stories and legacy are precious gifts to us and future generations.
So here’s me, trying to be a warrior. Trying to figure out when I can deliberately add in a Think Day or Think Afternoon, this is me, trying to add in time with my mother, while doing the other things I must do (work, eat, sleep, exercise, read, write, be a parent, be a friend). No one ever said it would be easy. Quite the opposite. But I do know it is rewarding. And to be honest, so much falls through the cracks and I can’t do it all well. But what I can do?
· Give my all to the task in front of me.
· Be deliberate and intentional about what is important.
· Make time for what matters.
Our lives have boundary seasons, where we’re walking in the middle of something—just like August. How do you walk through your boundary seasons? What boundary seasons are you living in right now?
I spotted this squirrel munching on a bench in a local park
BOOK GIVEAWAY!
I read a book recently, Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul, by Dorcas Cheng-Tozun, and it’s excellent. I recommend it, and I’m doing a book giveaway for a free new copy! Just reply to this email and let me know you want to be in the giveaway and why you want this book. I’ll type out your names, cut them out, put them in a bowl and draw one name randomly next week on Wednesday, August 9. (Only U.S. addresses are eligible.) I’ll notify you by email and announce the winner in this newsletter next month! You can read my review of the book here.
UPCOMING EVENTS
I’ll be sharing a spoken word poem at this event for Asian American women (and those who want to support and champion Asian American women) in Chicago. If you’re in the area, join us!
“Truly do we live on earth?
Not forever on earth; only a little while here.
Although it be jade, it will be broken,
Although it be gold, it is crushed,
Although it be quetzal feather, it is torn asunder.
Not forever on earth; only a little while here.”
― Nezahualcóyotl
(source: Goodreads)
Have a beautiful end of summer and I’ll see you on the other side of August.
Make it a lovely one my friends,
