Finding Connection in a Season of Celebration
Christmas is a story of belonging
Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience! And a warm welcome to new subscribers that signed up from the Readers Wonderland Giveaway - I’m so happy you’re here! (Please make sure you move these to your primary inbox if you’re viewing via email to keep these from going to spam.)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, dear readers!
How does this holiday season find you?
Well, my season started off unexpectedly when I had emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed in mid-November. When I showed up in the ER with pain I had no idea it was my gall bladder–and that it could result in emergency surgery. But boy, I learned quickly. And as it turns out that sucker needed to be removed!
I’m healing well, but the season started off with me already needing to slow down before I had even begun to ramp up! It’s a good thing sometimes to slow down, right? I realized how fast I walk around when I couldn't walk fast anymore. And it’s amazing how much you want to do when it turns out can’t! Funny how that works, isn’t it?!
Has anything like this ever happened to you? Interesting after it happened, a saw an episode on Madam Secretary (a series on Netflix) where someone needed emergency gall bladder surgery, and then a friend shared on Instagram that her husband had emergency gall bladder surgery, too. Isn’t it funny, too, how we notice these “coincidences” after the fact?
We are just past Christmas Day, deep into the 12 days of Christmas. I’ve enjoyed having all my kids home and playing games, watching movies, sitting by a fire, and eating lots of good food. Having them all under one roof and laughing brings me so much joy. I ran into a neighbor at the grocery story today and we were talking about how we wish we could slow down these precious moments. : )
Whether this week is boisterous or quiet for you, there is no “right” way to celebrate the holiday season. Whatever traditions you hold, whatever joys or sorrows, what’s important is to celebrate the purpose of the season and being with the ones you love.
The perfect images we see on social media are curated and not the true picture of our real, messy, and broken lives. We still post them (I do, too), but I continue to remind myself that it isn’t the full story. I know many of us are hurting, lonely, suffering, and longing underneath the smiles. This is US. Joy and grief can coexist; both can be true. The images aren’t fake–they just aren’t the full and complete story.
So how do we get to know the full story? By getting involved with people, with others’ lives, spending time with each other, in the midst of the messiness, and sharing our stories. Even when it isn’t easy. Oh, you and I both know it sure isn’t easy!! I’m sure you are picturing the faces of “this sure ain’t easy” right now–those folks in our spheres who are difficult and so hard to love. : -D
Sometimes, I feel as if I can’t muster any more tenderness or kindness due to the hurt. Maybe you know this, too.
Yet, this is the story of Christmas, the message, the story of love coming amidst the messy and broken, among the hard to love. Among us. Christmas is a story of belonging. It is a message of hope and love and one of belonging; a story to remind us that we belong in this great story of humanity and life. That our individual lives have purpose and meaning, even in the hardest of times and circumstances.
Recently I shared with a group of women and my topic was “Christmas and Loneliness: Finding Connection in a Season of Celebration.” You know what, we all are desperate for connection–real, deep connection. Relationship. And that kind of relationship doesn’t happen fast or spontaneously on it’s own.
Relationship requires intention and time. We have to be willing to sacrifice time and other good and important things to develop relationship. What does it mean to be intentional? It means reaching out and scheduling time on the calendar to talk, meet, walk, share.
I’ve made progress in this area in my life–but I can do better. A few years ago, I organized a book club with my neighborhood ladies on my block to get to know them and spend time together, and it’s still going strong. We now text each other randomly and know there is someone to call on in an emergency. It’s taken 3-4 years to get here–and it happened through regular, intentional meetings. It isn’t perfect or always easy–and we can get into some real deep conversations during our meetings. We may not always agree, but we do agree we want to keep meeting and love the group.
I have another friend I intentionally get together with regularly. I need that and will continue. These are two examples. : ) But I can do better and will seek ways I can improve.
If you are looking to improve connection here are a few simple things anyone can do:
1. Reach out to someone. Meet for coffee, take a walk. If you’re in a big family gathering, and it’s impossible to connect with everyone, choose one person you can connect with. Choose a neighbor who doesn’t have family around. Choose a friend you’ve been intending to call.
2. Ask for help. If you need something, ask for it. Often so many folks want to help, but we sometimes don’t know. It’s a way of reaching out and extending a hand of connection.
3. Express gratitude to someone. Let them know what you appreciate about them.
4. Do something for someone else who can’t do something in return. This is guaranteed to lift your spirits.
5. Do one of any of the above 5 days in a row.
Connection during the holiday season isn’t impossible but more challenging when there are numerous events or in a crowd of people. But it is possible. Of course, these are things we can do all year round and anytime. The main point is the intentionality and that these are first steps. Deep relationship and friendship and a sense of belonging take time.
One of the most beautiful things that we can offer one another is to be a place of belonging for someone else. Just as we long to belong, so do so many around us. Thinking about this energizes and excites me–how can we do this for one another?
I hope this Christmas season you find that in your life–and you can be a place of belonging for another.
Book News
Well, the news for my book Beyond Ethnic Loneliness was that it was a finalist for a book award at the end of the year! It didn’t win, unfortunately, but neither did many other wonderful books. After all, there can only be one winner. There are so many of us (I consider it a privilege and joy to be friends with other fellow writers walking this same journey) who write our hearts out and don’t win.
Does it mean our words do not matter? No, not at all. They do matter, and we trust they are making a difference. Plus, we have many beautiful writer and reader friendships we enjoy along the way, such as with my friend Courtney Ellis and what she recently wrote about this very topic, which encouraged me greatly. You can read it here.
Other Publications
In addition to publishing my first book ever, I also had three devotionals published in this newly released book: Praying Through Loneliness. It was a joy to participate in this project and with writers that I know. What a gift! You can find it here.
In addition, I had some work published in this book as well, Pray a Word for Hope, published by Guideposts. Check it out here.
In addition, I recently had an IG live with JS Park who shares a book birthday with me- you can watch that here. I always learn so much from him. Hope you’ll be able to tune in and let us know what you think!
Dear readers, I’ll be back in the New Year. In the meantime, I hope that in this fuzzy in-between time between Christmas and the New Year, you find meaningful moments with those you love the most and find ways to truly connect with those around you. If you do this challenge, would you share below? I’d love to know how it’s going for you!
Have a gentle, joyous, and peaceful start to the new year! Much love to you.
Of course I'm forgetting the context, but a friend of mine the other day mentioned your name and I was like...ah, I know her! I love when connection just shows up, but also, it is something we have to work for sometimes. Thank you for these reminders.