Being Elderly and Being Known, and a Book Cover Reveal!
Plus the usual, what's on the bookshelf, and other early fall shenanigans : )
Welcome to Belonging and the Human Experience. I write about belonging, identity, loneliness, culture, migration, faith, race, and community. I’m glad you’re here and please join the conversation! (Please make sure you move these to your inbox if you’re viewing via email.)
Dear readers,
How are you finding some peace amidst the turmoil of our times? For me, a walk in the woods is just the prescription I need for some equilibrium and rest for the mind and body. It’s a respite, a tranquility amidst the noise at any time, but it’s especially gorgeous this time of year when the deciduous trees are on fire with color.
In this issue:
· Being Elderly and Being Known
· Early Fall Shenanigans (a writing retreat, and author talks, and other )
· What’s on the Bookshelf (and winner of last month’s book giveaway)
· Book Cover Reveal!!
But first, here are a few words by Mary Oliver that are just right for walks in the woods:
When I am Among the Trees
by Mary Oliver
When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.
I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.
Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.
And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”
Being Elderly and Being Known
My elderly mother has been staying with me for a while. And each day, I remind myself of this: I do what I would want others to do for me.
Would I want to be ignored? Left out? Forgotten? If I must rely on others for my meals, my safety, my well-being? Driving me places? Do I want someone to remember I’ll need a haircut, that I’ll want to see my own friends, that I sometimes want to pick out my own food or clothing? That I want to see something or do something or feel like eating something on a particular day? Just like we all do?
Getting older doesn’t mean a person ceases to be a person. It goes without staying…but not really. When the needs of the elderly require me to change my life and my routine, it stabs me right in my own selfishness, doesn’t it? Right? We don’t want to be inconvenienced. We want our own lives. We don’t have time for our elderly (at least many of us in the United States).
In the Netflix documentary Blue Zones, where the author and film documenter studied parts of the world with the oldest people in the world, the author found that one factor contributing to longevity is related to love and respect for the elderly. Putting someone in a nursing home automatically decreased the lifespan by years.
I didn’t’ know until I read Being Mortal by Atul Gawande last year that our nursing homes weren’t designed to be what they are today. They weren’t meant to take care of the elderly. They were originally meant to be as overflow for hospitals, but they morphed.
Of course, other factors contribute to longevity, such as nutrition, the environment, our sense of purpose and spirituality, an active lifestyle (not necessarily exercise—but an active lifestyle—watch the documentary), and more.
But there is something inherently important about social connection and close relationships. These are the elements that add purpose and belonging.
I’m asking myself, reminding myself, daily: to see these souls around me as wonders. All the souls around me. The elderly. The needy. The vulnerable…as wonders. They are wonders.
Do I want others to see me that way, when I’m 85? 90?
You bet I do.
So now is my turn to practice. To model. To do.
To do to others what I would want others to do for me. To do for my mother what I would want others to do for me.
And this is what I remind myself of daily.
Americans are lonelier, sadder, social trust is declining, trust is declining. We have more social anxiety than ever.
An affluent society also doesn’t recognize its need. Affluence takes the place of relationship and engagement. Affluence is more important; it becomes the idol. Even we, ourselves, become the idol. I don’t mean to suggest we don’t take care of ourselves. We can and must. But in some cases, it becomes an idol (just take a look at the magazine shelf, the articles online, the social media posts and the messages we are receiving). Volunteering numbers are decreasing (they were declining even before the Covid-19 pandemic) to the point some services are being shut down.
We just don’t have time and we’re self-absorbed.
But somehow, we find enough time to watch hours of Netflix or scroll a few hours on our phones—each and every day. And I enjoy these activities as much as anyone else.
Meanwhile, our elderly are lonely.
(Actually we’re ALL lonely.)
My mother is staying with me. And her eyes tell me a story: that she is a person, the same person inside, with an aging body that won’t cooperate anymore. She can’t move fast anymore, can’t walk like she used to, she can’t drive, she can’t cook her favorite foods like she used to do for her own children. Now she has to rely on someone else to let her know she is cared for and that her life is worthy and worthwhile, that she has something valuable to contribute, that she is needed, that aging doesn’t diminish the worth of a person.
But this is not the message of American society or our media.
We promote the opposite view.
We are a lonely society. Loneliness is a public health issue. It’s an epidemic and yes, it is hurting our health and our lifespan.
But there is something we can do about it.
One of the ways we can do something about it is to see each other with wonder.
Seeing each other as wondrous creatures, with beauty, as gorgeous human beings no matter our age with a wellspring of experience and gifts to contribute to our world, as God-crafted human beings.
Seeing each other wonder necessitates embodied engagement.
It means putting down our devices and interacting with each other, and viewing one another from a posture of wonder, awe, and love.
If we are all lonely, the answer seems rather obvious. But what are we doing about it?
I challenge each one of us to take a step to seeing each other with wonder.
Choose one elderly person in your life and think about practical ways you can get involved in their life. Stopping by for a visit? Dropping off a meal and chatting? Calling to say hi once a week? Inviting them over for tea? Offering to give them a ride to the library or the doctor? Inviting them to the zoo with you and your kids? Inviting them to dinner? Bringing them some cherry pie that’s not been demolished? (See the story below). :-)
Really, it just means being a friend. It’s really beneficial for both parties. It adds to all of our lifespans, both us and them. It makes us happier. We feel more connected.
We are a little less lonely. But, we have to take a step. We can’t wait for someone to take the initiative—let’s do it ourselves.
Who will you choose? What ONE thing can you do for this person? Please share. I would love nothing more than to hear back stories and stories of people who did this.
Will you?
And, speaking of getting older, it would be a good idea not to spend four hours straight raking leaves in your yard, and to try to break it up a bit, say over a couple of days. Ask me (and my back) how I know… ; )
Early Fall Shenanigans (Retreats, Book Talks, OH MY!)
So I have a question for you. Do you attend any author talks? I’ve been going to more of them and attended two recently. One was Ross Gay, author of The Book of Delights, and the other author talk was by V. V. Ganeshananthan, author of Brotherless Night.
I very much enjoy hearing authors speak and read from their books. What about you? Have you been to any lately?
I also attended my very first MOTH story slam. I didn’t speak—not yet—maybe in the future? But I did enjoy hearing others share their stories. And you know what was so cool about it, besides the fact it was in a very cool coffee shop? There were people of all ages there, from young to old, listening and telling stories. Oh it was fabulous. We need more of this.
AND.
I went away for a weekend with four other writers to a friend’s house in the woods a couple hours north! Oh, and I had my own room with a view! It was gorgeous—the trees were just about to turn colors and it was a delicious getaway from my life for a brief weekend. And what a refreshing time away. I brought back some cherry pie. Here’s a photo of one piece of pie. I am NOT trying to make you jealous with the remnants of this devoured pie, I promise.
On The Bookshelf and Giveaway Winner
After finishing edits and copy edits, truthfully my brain needed a break! But, I’m getting back into the avid reading again.
What I’m reading now:
- Brotherless Night by V. V. Ganeshananthan
- A Woman is Not a Man by Etaf Rum for my local book club
I’m listening to:
- The Covenant of Water by Abraham Varghese
I recently finished:
- The Place we Make by Sarah Sanderson
- The Gift of the Outsider by Alicia J. Akins
- Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
On my Nightstand:
- They Called us Exceptional by Prachi Gupta
- You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith
Books I Want to Read:
- How Far to the Promised Land by Esau McCaulley
- How to Know a Person by David Brooks
- Bittersweet by Susan Cain
Congratulations to my writing friends:
- Linda MacKillop for her book The Forgotten Life of Eva Gordon being a 2023 Christy Award Finalist! Her latest book Hotel Oscar Mike Echo also is delightful.
- Cheryl Bostrom on the re-release of her award-winning book Sugar Birds and the upcoming sequel Leaning On Air.
Last month’s book giveaway winner of Never Too Broken by Jill Ng was Lindy Z!
Now it’s your turn! Tell me what’s on your reading lists!! You know, we can never add too many books to our reading lists. : )
Book Cover Reveal!!
And now, drum roll… ta da da da!!! The moment you’ve all been waiting, er…scrolling for. My book cover!!
Hey, isn’t she beautiful? Well, it’s getting real. It’s the book baby!!!
Well, that’s it for now, my friends. I could write and write and write some more, but you know, I want to hear from you and what you think. What do you think, my lovelies? I’d like to know. :) Until next month.
Make it a lovely one my friends,
As I take my 91-year-old mother to the dentist and my 92-year-old dad to the doctor, I'll remember your words! And the cover of your book is beautiful!
The cover is beautiful!!