7 Steps on How to Keep Up-to-Date AND Grounded
INDIES Book Award Finalist; Upcoming Book Signing, and more!
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“Everything is made new in the spring. Springs themselves are always so new, too. No spring is ever just like any other spring. It always has something of its own to be its peculiar sweetness.”
- L.M. Montgomery, in Anne of the Island
Hello friends!
Here we are in March, just emerging a day from Daylight Savings Time here in the U.S. We need a little extra caffeine on this day, am I right? : ) Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s talk.
Extra daylight is welcome and good, and nourishing if I may say so. (Remember years ago reading in novels when doctors used to prescribe spending months at the beach? Can we bring that back? I think there’s something to it?)
But I’m super excited because the first day of Spring is only 10 DAYS AWAY! And, already the first little shoots have emerged from the ground. Winters are harsh where I live, so sunshine and green living things make me happy! What “peculiar sweetness” awaits us this spring, I wonder? These are happy ponderings. I’m finding I need more and more of those. : )
7 Steps on How to Keep Up-to-Date AND Grounded
How are you? This is what I’d ask if you and I were meeting in person.
I wonder if you know how to begin to answer that question. I sometimes don’t know where to start.
I have to admit, it’s been a busy and roller-coaster of a couple of months.
But let’s start with the first question: how is the paper-slip-in-the-jar project coming along? Each week, jot something lovely that happened that week on a strip of paper and slip it into a jar. (If you need a refresher or want to read more about this idea, you can read about it here.)
I have to say, I LOVE this project. It’s easy, fun, and I end the week reflecting on something happy, encouraging, beautiful, hopeful. It helps me to dwell on those things that are lovely. It resets my mind. It shifts my perspective. These are like little reminder stones of goodness, of faithfulness, of joy. I need them. Maybe you do, too. Should we call it the Happy Jar Project? I realize I don’t have an name for it. That works for me - let me know if you have another idea!
Making the Most of Our Days
So what’s on my mind today? I’m wondering if maybe you’re feeling like me right now, reeling with the bombardment and barrage of news. I want to know what’s going on, but I also know I need to limit the quantity of news I take in. Too much is toxic and depressing - yet we can’t live with our heads buried in the sand right? I’ve found a great need for some boundaries here. If this is you you, too, I have some ideas on how to manage it.
1) Start a project like the Happy Jar above. It’s okay if that idea doesn’t float your boat. Try writing in a journal, keeping a list, or sending yourself an email reminder of what was good that week (use the same subject and just change the date, so you can search for them easily at the end of the year, or hit reply each week to the same email thread). Whatever works for you - just start a Happy Project remembrance of your own.
The point is to intentionally remember something hopeful and beautiful each week. It could be something that happened to you, or someone you know, or an uplifting true story you read or heard about it. All is fair game. The focus is on intentionally keeping a record of joys in our year each week. By the end of the year, you’ll have a list of at least 52 lovely things to look back upon.
And if you haven’t started yet, you can start now!
2) Limit time spent on news. Limit it to once a day for a certain number of minutes, or once a week, or whatever works for you. I’m the kind of person who has to check daily, but I need to put limits on that, otherwise the doom scrolling can take over my time and my outlook. So my plan is once a day but limited to about 15-20 minutes.
If you know me in real life, hold me to it. Ask me. Because I can easily get drawn into a rabbit hole all the way to India! I’ll tell you now, this is a hard one for me, which is why I need the accountability.
3) Connect with other people. I can’t stress this enough. We don’t connect enough in real life, in my opinion. We are living in a loneliness epidemic, with between 1 and 3 and 1 in 2 people saying they feel lonely. Friends, this is serious. Loneliness is affecting every aspect of our lives, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. We aren’t meant to be this disconnected from each other.
When I say “connect with others” I don’t mean in just a text message, though that is fine to do. But it shouldn’t be the only way we are communicating and connecting with others. We need in-person relationships that fulfill that need we have for social connection and belonging. We belong to each other, and not solely to ourselves.
So, how to do this? Make an intentional plan to meet someone for coffee, go for a walk, sit with someone during lunch, talk with a friend. I guarantee we will all have awkward moments at some time or another when we are together That’s just how it is with us humans! When we are together, we bring all of ourselves, all the awkwardness and weirdness with us, and you know something? It’s okay. It really is. We ALL feel awkward and trust me, no one else is thinking about it as much as you are.
But in all of its awkwardness, it is critical. Our brain's neurons are firing in ways that don’t fire when we are alone. We are fulfilled in ways we can’t be alone.
I am so passionate about this one. It would make me immensely joyful to hear back from many of you that you made time to do this! The stories that would come back are unimaginable.
Because we know what happens when people get together, right?
Magic. Magic happens. We feed off each other’s hopes and dreams, ideas and tales, and share laughs, joy, and friendship. We share what we have in common and encourage each other in areas we need support and help. We are meant to be there for each other. We cry and pray together. We walk through life together.
Find a venting partner; if you feel you need to vent, find a safe person (or a therapist) to talk to. It isn’t wise to spew out all of our thoughts and opinions publicly and online on social media. I’m not saying not to engage; I’m simply suggesting be wise about it. Sift your opinions and thoughts through with someone else before going public. It’s tempting, I know, to put our opinions online, too. Don’t get sucked into the cesspool of hatred online.
In summary, connect regularly with others, be it a friend, or a small group, or a few friends.
I’m convinced this is how we are going to survive whatever lies ahead of us.
4) Ask someone for a favor. This is sort of related to number three above. If you want to start a friendship or reach out to someone but don’t know how, ask them for a favor.
Why? Here’s what we know. The anterior cingulate cortex (AIG) part of the brain lights up when we connect with others (source: Dr. Carolina Leaf). When we help someone, our brain thinks we must like them! This is a little way to help build rapport with someone else. You’d be surprised how much people really want to help. We all like to feel wanted and needed, so something positive happens in the person doing the favor, too. We both win.
5) Spend time in nature. Few things are as grounding as stepping out in the marvels of creation, soaking in the beauty of a forest, of emerging plants and flowers and growing things, observing the expansive night sky, and marveling at the immensity of the ocean.
We realize our place in the universe. It’s simultaneously small (we are but a speck in time and space), but also large (we can make a difference and influence the world around us). We learn from the pace of nature, and we gain new perspective.
Plus, it’s healing for our body and bones and spirit. “Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to body and soul alike.” ― John Muir
Get out in nature, and let the beauty of creation do its healing work in you.
6) Find a place to serve or cause to support. We are just one person, and it may seem that one person can do so little. And yet, we can do something, even little things add up to big things. We are placed here for a purpose, and the truth is that one person can do a great deal.
It took one person to sit down on a bus (Rosa Parks). It took one child to attend an all-white school (Ruby Bridges). It took one young girl to speak out for women’s education (Malala). It took one young Dutch boy to figure out a way to keep plastic from rivers heading to the oceans (Boyan Slat). One by one, individuals are making a difference.
I’m not suggesting we have to try to turn into famous people or do something huge–but it’s proof that one person can have a huge impact. You can impact someone’s life by simply starting a conversation. Single conversations have changed people’s lives and the course of history!
We are small in the grand expanse of the universe and in time–yet we are capable of changing the trajectory of someone else’s day. We can’t possibly know the ripple effect of changing someone’s day. We tend to underestimate what we can do, thinking we are “just one person” and feel paralyzed because we do not know what to do. There are dozens and dozens of causes and efforts needed. So much need! Where to start?
Just start where you are. Take one step at a time, and look at what (and who) is in front of you right now. Then go from there. You’ll find a place to serve that fits you. You’ll find something (or someone) that needs you.
7) Find a spiritual practice. We need to take care of ourselves not only physically, emotionally, and socially, but also spiritually. Find a spiritual practice that helps you. Pray, meditate, and find rhythms of rest and sources of spiritual bread that feed your spirit.
***
This list is meant for myself. I need it. And maybe you are also in the same place. I hope this helps you, too, because I created it for the place I am in this moment.
Friends, I know these are difficult times. We’ve always had them. I’m not downplaying it all; the list above is proof I need the above myself as grounding measures.
Question for you: What else would you add to the list above? What resonates most with you right now? (Please share below so we can all benefit and learn!)
News and Updates
Beyond Ethnic Loneliness named INDIES Book Award Finalist!
I am honored to share that 𝑩𝒆𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝑬𝒕𝒉𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝑳𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 has been named a finalist in the 2024 𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 INDIES Book of the Year Awards!!
I could hardly believe it (tears and smiles all at once when I found out). Needless to say, I’m thrilled with the news and to be among such great company, including several other titles by my publisher, IVP, and other titles such as 𝐼 𝐶ℎ𝑒𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑅𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑠𝑒 by Leif Enger.
What my book is about: As an Asian American woman, I write about the cultural and social dynamics of marginalized voices and the struggles of not belonging, and offer us a way forward out of this kind of loneliness and isolation. And my white friends who have it read loved it and said it was very helpful and informative for them. I was honored to be reviewed by Publishers Weekly, which only reviews the few books out of the thousands published; they reviewed my book here. Furthermore, Bob on Books reviewed it and said it was a prescriptive help for our loneliness in general, as well. Have you read it yet? Available wherever books are sold. 🥰
More information about the award and a list of other finalists is at the link here.
Speaker at Winter Warm*Up Women’s Retreat
Two Saturdays ago was nothing short of magical at the Winter Warm*Up retreat with the incredible women of Brooklife! Picture this: a snow machine creating a winter wonderland, a photo booth filled with laughter, and a stage that looked like it was plucked straight from a Hallmark movie! Honestly, who wouldn't want to cozy up on that couch next to a warm fireplace?
The retreat was not just about the enchanting decor; it was about connection and community. The men served all 150 attendees breakfast at beautifully decorated tables, each one adorned with a snowflake theme that added to the wintry charm. We gathered together, shared stories, and engaged in meaningful discussions. I had the privilege of speaking in a couple of sessions and a final takeaway about the loneliness epidemic that many of us face and emphasized the importance of belonging to one another, and offered some practical tips for us in being intentional in that regard.
It warmed my heart to have my mom, a dear neighbor, and a cherished friend by my side. And all this happened because of another dear friend, Liz, who I've known for maybe a dozen years, a friendship that first began with our daughters those years ago, reached out to me to begin a conversation of what could be possible for this women’s retreat.
The atmosphere was filled with love, support, and shared experiences. I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to connect with such amazing women and to be part of something so uplifting.
Upcoming Book Signing
If you’re in the Madison, Wisconsin area, I’ll be at the Barnes & Noble for book signing on Saturday, April 19, from 1-3 pm. This coincides with the one year anniversary of the release of my book! More details can be found here. If you’re in the area, I’d love to see you there!
A Poll For You
I’d love to hear from you! I want to host a special online event to celebrate the one year anniversary of Beyond Ethnic Loneliness coming up in April.
My idea is to host an online book club for us to read through and discuss the book, beginning in April and meet monthly for 3 months (so we’d meet once in April, May, and June). What are your thoughts? Would you join? The cost would be $30 (for my time) plus the cost of ordering the book on your own.
Would you sign up? Yes/No?
If not, what would you like to see? You can answer these questions in a quick poll here (anonymous), or you can email me to let me know your thoughts (just hit reply to this email), or comment below. : ) THANK YOU!
Friends, find your Happy Jar Project (or other Happy Project). I’m so glad to be learning together on this journey with you. Let’s make sure we have Happy Ponderings, amongst all the other ones. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other.
Peace,
