Prayer eBook, Mothers Day Poem, India Trip - May 2022

May 14, 2022

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Chai Chat - May 2022
Prayer Ebook Check-in, Mother’s Day Poem, and Special Feature: India Trip

Hello friend, If you’ve received the Prayer Ebook, I hope you’re finding it meaningful and helpful! If you’re going through the prayers, I’d love to hear from you. Just hit reply to this email and let me know how it’s going. (If you’ve been around here for a while and are interested in my new free Prayer Ebook, hit reply to this email and let me know. : ) Normally, with my newsletters, I share five articles or resources with you. This month, it’s a bit different, as I’ll be featuring photos and commentary from my recent trip to India, sharing details with you I’m not sharing elsewhere.

If you’re new here—let me explain. I was born in India, and my parents moved to the U.S. when I was one year old. I grew up in the U.S. It has been 27 years since I’ve been back to north India, where my parents are from, and where their family still lives—my family, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my cousins’ children—essentially my parents’ entire immediate families still live in India.

I have one first cousin in the U.S. and one of my mother’s aunts and her family live in the U.S. I have another relative in CA. That’s about it in the U.S. But, I have a huge extended family in India, and finally, I had the joy of going and seeing (and meeting) many relatives for the first time in 27 years, and attending my cousin’s wedding.

So this issue is dedicated to that trip, and sharing photos and details with you! I’m so glad you’re here, come be my wedding guest, and enjoy attending the wedding with me!

But first, some publishing news…

It was a joy and privilege to have a piece published in the spring edition of The Truly Co magazine, a gorgeous print magazine! My article is titled “My Heritage, My Home: Tying Together the Threads of the Past and Present”, and I write of my complex view of home, in the U.S. (in the south), and my heritage, from India.

In the article, I write of drinking chai and iced tea, and the promises of spring with dogwood blooms and sweet honeysuckle vines. For me, a trip to my home in the south is an escape from the harsh winters of the midwest, and a refuge for the winter in my soul. You can read a short snippet here.

How about you? Where do you consider home and what are some special memories you treasure?

And a Mother’s Day Poem

I wrote this poem a few years ago as I reflected on my own experience of becoming a mother, and end the poem with a thought about all those children who have no mothers. Whether you are a mother or not, or a mother-figure to someone, I hope this day was what you needed it to be, and if not, I hope and pray you feel seen and loved by the One who created you.

***

The Longing Arms*

Emptiness
filled now and spilling
when arms hold
and hush the
long anticipated one—
sweet love requited.

Did I know
how empty they were—
my arms, heart—
before you?
You laughed at the emptiness
and swallowed it whole.

…of the wind
she is, a soft kiss
mystery
come alive
the eyes and feet of those with
thin, motherless arms.

***

Mothers, you are both tough and tender, the perfect blend of strength and softness. You are the gentleness between dusk and dawn. I’m sharing more, and this poem, over at The Mudroom . Please join me there!

*This poem is in the form of what is called a “shadorma”, with the following syllabic structure: 3-5-3-3-7-5.

Special Feature: Trip to India!

Here it is! For those who have been patiently waiting for this issue), thank you for your patience (as I dealt with jet lag and a stomach illness after landing, and I am much better now). I present to you this special edition, only for you!

I didn’t think a trip to India was in my 2022 bingo card, but there it was, hidden under a box labeled “surprise”.

In February, my parents told me they wanted to go to India, and asked me to come along. My cousin, my father’s niece, was getting married, and my parents hadn’t been back to their home country of India in 17 years.

I hadn’t been to north India, or Punjab, where my family is from and where many of them live, or Delhi, in 27 years! In February, India was finally opening up to visitors, making the trip possible.

Twenty-seven years. It makes me gasp still to consider that is almost three decades. I have cousins I hadn’t met. I have aunts and uncles, my parents’ siblings, I hadn’t seen in that many years. My cousins had children I had not met. Would I say yes?

Well, dear reader, as you’ve figured out, I said yes. In April, my parents and I, and my brother and his family, embarked on a special trip to attend my cousin’s wedding and meet dozens of relatives.

I’ll be honest with you. I had apprehensions about the trip. I was traveling with my mother (my father left 2 weeks before us), and she needed a wheelchair in each location. I was in charge of her and her travel pretty much the entire trip. I was also thinking about illnesses in India (you can’t drink the water), and would we be ok with the food and diet? “Delhi Belly”, if you know what I mean, is what many visitors experience or take home, along with their memories, photos, and gifts. :)

But, we made it, by the grace of God, we made it, and we had the most beautiful visit. Below are some highlights. I wanted to share the many, many photos I have with you (I have over 500), but I had to choose so this doesn’t turn into a novella. :-) Enjoy!! I’ll add a few comments in-between, but if you have any questions, hit reply to this email and I’ll try to answer. f I don’t know the answer, I’ll try to find out.

Isn’t that a fun picture above at the Taj Mahal? I love it! I didn’t travel much, only visited some relatives nearby, but we did make the day trip to the Taj Mahal. :)

We didn’t have much time for shopping (only at short intervals and for a limited time because of the heat and time constraints). Above you can see some of the turban styles worn by groomsmen in a clothing store for special occasions.

Here is the group that traveled to India: myself, my parents, and my brother and his family. (My family, and my sister and her family couldn’t make it.) I won’t overload you with family photos, and I’ll focus on other pictures, but I wanted you to see my travel companions. In total, it was about 18 hours of flight time. We flew from the U.S. to Doha (13-14 hour flight), and then had a short layover in Doha. Then it was about a 3-4 hour flight to Delhi, and then we stopped in Doha again on the return flight. 13-14 hours is a LONG flight, folks! But it went by fast! I watched several movies in-flight and was able to sleep. : )

If you’re wondering just how hot it was, no single day was less than 103 degrees F in the daytime (the nights “cooled” down in the 80s :-D). And it wasn’t even officially summertime yet. The week after we left, temperatures soared to 111 and higher. We stayed mostly indoors because it was simply too hot to do much outside. And besides, getting reacquainted with family was the purpose of the trip. Ay yi yi, muy caliente!

I speak a little Spanish (I’ve forgotten so much of it, but I was trying to learn Hindi while I there). Bohoth ghurmi! means “very hot” in Hindi (this is me trying to recollect Hindi words and phrases I’ve picked up over the years). With a little more time, I could pick up more of the language. When our family went to India when I was eight years old, I actually took Hindi lessons when I was there. I still remember some of the words I learned. :)

I have to show you this. Above, the outside of this fruit looks like a squash, but when it’s cut, it’s a cantaloupe! And let me tell you, it was sweet and delicious. That is one of my aunts, my mother’s sister, who lives in Delhi, cutting the cantaloupe.

The other fruit next to it that also looks like a striped squash, when it was cut, was green inside, and tasted just like honeydew! It was so fresh and tasted as sweet as honey.

India is a lush, tropical country. Everywhere you turn around, you’ll see a different kind of tree, plant, of flower. I was in heaven. There were gorgeous flowers blooming in the wild on the side of the highway. Just beautiful! India has a rainy (monsoon) season and a hot season.

My uncle lives in a high rise like this. There are several high rise apartment buildings in this residential development, and this was the view from the window. You can see far off into the distance of Delhi.

Unfortunately, Delhi is usually covered in a haze of smog most of the time. Pollution has taken a toll in the city. But I will say it has improved since I was there 27 years ago. Diesel trucks only operate after 11 pm at night in Delhi, which not only clears the roadways, which are already congested and very busy, but also keeps air pollution down during the day.

And speaking of traffic, it’s an adventure. It wasn’t brand new to me, but it can be a hair-raising experience. Get used to cars, trucks, three-wheeled auto rickshaws, motorcycles, buses, etc., edging their way in-between traffic lanes. If there’s enough space between you and the car next to you, a motorbike will fill the space.

I was astounded at the driving skill and that I saw very few accidents. There is a lot of car honking, but that is expected and normal and doesn’t mean the same thing it means in the U.S. In fact, trucks and vans have a message painted on the side of the vehicle instructing others to please honk. That’s how you make your way.

While in India, I also rode their subway for the first time, and it was amazing. It was cleaner than some of the subways I’ve seen in New York City. I was impressed! It wasn’t there 27 years ago.

This is a box of Indian sweets. They are made of different ingredients: cashews, butter, pistachios, sugar, milk, etc. You can see some of them are covered in edible silver leaf. They are really delicious. If you have an opportunity to try Indian sweets, go for it.

I love a carrot burfi and cashew burfi (burfi is the name of the kinds of sweets in the picture above). Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to enjoy them in several years because of an extreme intolerance to dairy.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I am a chai lover. In India, the chai is bar none. It’s so good—the ingredients are fresher, the milk is creamier, so you can imagine how left out I felt because I couldn’t drink one of my favorite things. Getting milk substitutes isn’t as straightforward as it is in the U.S., but one day my aunt and uncle made fresh, homemade almond milk for me so I could add it to my chai. : )

Well, here we go! Finally to the wedding. This is Day One. This wedding was an amazing THREE DAY EVENT. The first night was the engagement ceremony and ring exchange. Because Covid had shut down weddings for two years, and they couldn’t do an engagement ceremony, all the wedding functions were combined into one three-day extravaganza.

And do you want to know something pretty interesting? There were 27,000 weddings in Delhi happening during that time, the “wedding season”, and our lovely bride’s wedding was one of those. (Yes, there is something called a “wedding season”.) 27,000 weddings. Each night, the streets were full of weddings happening—horse-drawn carriages, bands, crowds, music, lights, and traffic. :) This beautiful hall is where the engagement ceremony was held.

The engaged couple above are about to cut a cake. They’ve exchanged rings and there was an exchange of gifts, a buffet dinner, and dancing. This event is hosted by the groom’s family. Look at her beautiful gown!

The bride and groom after exchanging rings.

The gift exchange included fruit baskets, nuts, boxes of sweets, clothing, perfumes, and other gifts.

The entire wedding party stayed at a hotel for the three-day event. In the mornings, we enjoyed a breakfast buffet in this room. This wedding was on my father’s side of the family, and he has a large family. He has 4 siblings, and his youngest sibling, his brother, had the daughter getting married. All of my father’s siblings came to the wedding, along with most of their children, and their children. It was fun to all be in the same place.

It was delightful for me to catch up with my cousins. I actually hadn’t met any of their spouses or their children (who are like my nieces and nephews), so it was especially lovely and meaningful. I had delightful conversations with my cousins’ children, the ones who are in college and working young adults. They were fluent in English, and kind, respectful, and a joy to talk with. My only regret is that my own children could not be there (they’re all in school), because they would have LOVED meeting all of their cousins and talking to them, as well as their aunts and uncles. The nice thing was that we were all in one place, so it made it convenient to meet people. Well, we will just have to go again! :) :)

On the morning of day two, there was no wedding event planned, so me, my niece and nephew, went out shopping together for some wedding clothes and odds and ends at a nearby outdoor market. My Indian cousin’s daughter was our guide and translator and helped us with transportation and navigating the market. Afterwards, she left to do another errand, and the three of us were hungry and went to the restaurant/bar attached to the hotel (but not affiliated with the hotel, as we found out), for a bite to eat.

People eat meals at different times than in the U.S. Breakfast could be early, but if not, then around 8 or 9 am. Lunch is about 2 pm. Afternoon chai time is about 4 or 5pm, and then dinner can be anytime between 7-10 pm. More typically I think people eat lunch around 1 or 2pm and then dinner by 8 or 9 pm. It reminds me of the Spanish schedule, which is similar (and includes the lovely idea of an afternoon siesta), and the European way, eating dinner late into the night, while talking and spending time with other people.

This is on the evening of day two, and on this evening is the application of henna. The bride, above, has henna on her arms and on her feet and legs. You can see the detailed, intricate design. All of the women who wanted henna could have henna on their hands. I had henna painted on my hands as well. Isn’t is gorgeous?

The evening included a buffet dinner and dancing. The groom and his family arrived to the venue, which was a different place than the first night, with a band and music and dancing. This evening was hosted by the bride’s family. The buffet was LARGE and delicious.

We were still getting situated, but above is a photo with many of the family members. I joined, along with my parents and others, after I clicked this photo. Someone in this group has a copy of this photo with all of us — I think the photographer will, at least. : ) Below is a photo of the bride’s hair this evening. So pretty!

Now we move on to DAY THREE - the morning functions. After breakfast on day three, there was another function. In the photo above, family members are putting bracelets on the bride’s arms. These bracelets were given by the groom’s family, and the bride’s eyes are closed. The bracelets are put on her arms, and then covered with a cloth until the evening wedding ceremony, when she uncovers the bracelets. Below, a red covering is placed over the bracelets. Family members surround the bride.

In the photo above, there is a pot of turmeric in front of the bride. We took turns blessing the bride and putting a paste of turmeric on her face, which is supposed to make the skin glow. At this function, which is mostly a women’s function and for members of the family, mostly people wear yellow, but other colors are fine. Men can attend, and some did come. This was held at the hotel.

After this portion, there were games played by each side of the family (the bride’s mother’s side and the bride’s father side). Then, it was time to eat lunch and rest for a while before going to the final evening, the wedding. :)

Here we go, DAY THREE, EVENING - the MAIN EVENT! And take a look at this GORGEOUS wedding hall. WOW! It looked just like the photo below, in those beautiful shades of purple and magenta.

The dress code is FANCY. To honor the occasion, I bought a pretty pink sari, and wore a sari for the first time in many years.

A few people were hired to come to the hotel to do hair, makeup, and tie saris for the women in the family. WOW. It was such a gift.

In the U.S., the bride’s wedding party may head to a beauty salon together to get their hair and makeup done; in this case, the specialists came to us, and it was available for all the women in the family who desired to have the help. I took the help!! : ) : )

Here’s the sari I wore for the occasion. It was so much fun and an elegant event.

For Indian weddings (in the north especially, and in the state where my family comes from), Indian men, members of the bride’s family (and the groom and his family), wear turbans for the wedding. My father, above, is getting a turban wrapped on his head for the wedding. There is a person who wraps the turbans, which are made of a single, long piece of cloth, on each of the close male family members.

The turban does not have religious significance (though other religions do wear the turbans, such as in Sikhism). Turbans have been worn by men for decades to cool the head from the extreme heat and for protection from direct sunlight.

For weddings, it is part of their traditional attire and is a symbol of respect and honor.

My father (above) is the eldest sibling and eldest brother. All siblings try to attend the weddings of their nieces and nephews and to participate in the festivities and the giving of the bride. But, this was the first wedding of his nieces or nephews he has been able to attend. It was special!!

Above: my father, my nephew, and my uncle (my father’s brother, and the father of the bride).

Above, my aunt (left), my mother (center), and my aunt (mother of the bride).

Above: the bride is entering the wedding hall, under a decorated covering carried by uncles and male cousins of the bride. The bride’s father is walking just behind her to the side.

Above: the beautiful bride and her gorgeous wedding attire.

The bride and groom.

When the bride and groom walk around the fire seven times, they are considered married. : )

The wedding evening lasted from about 7 pm until — wait for it— 5 AM!! Yes, it did. I am not joking.

The wedding functions, the groom’s family entering (with a band and dancing), the bride entering, the bridal family eating together (the buffet was bigger than the previous day’s with food all over two rooms, and a menu that was 10 pages long, dancing, etc., lasted until midnight). There were dishes I had ever even heard of, and it was impossible to even sample everything. It was even bigger than the buffet on day two, and it was scrumptious.

And here’s something else— the food was ALL VEGETARIAN. If you are a vegetarian, or want to eat more vegetarian, look up Indian food recipes, and you will find an abundance of ideas and recipes to try!!

Most of the guests were gone by midnight.

Then the main wedding function began and it lasted for several hours. A priest conducted the actual ceremony (most of which I did not understand). Only some family members stayed all night for it. Many of the elderly folks left and so did others who had to get up for work the next day.

But me? I was there for the whole thing, I was all in, and did not want to miss a single thing, so I stayed up for it all! (And so did my mom!) I didn’t even doze. : )

At 5 am, the bride and groom and those who were there followed the couple outside for a send-off as they got into a vehicle and sped away. A band played a bittersweet tune and tears flowed.

It was 6 am by the time I got back to the hotel, and I decided I might as well stay awake. The high that day was 107, but I needed to make one last trip to a market, and made a quick trip in the heat.

I paid a price for the all-nighter and the trip outdoors, as I was only back from that all-nighter and shopping trip two hours when I developed a sore throat and cough! I knew it was a risk. But (it wasn’t Covid), and I felt better the next day, though the cough took a week or two to go away, and then “Delhi Belly” made an appearance after I got home. I had to take antibiotics, and I’m all OK now. : )

That was the first North Indian family wedding I have been to in India. I have attended two weddings in south India, over 25-26 years ago. But there is a vast sociocultural difference between north and south India. The weddings were completely different. The culture is different.

I LOVED this entire trip, the experience, seeing family. It was lovely to be around and meet my family, and then to participate in a beautiful event. Besides the wedding, there is so much to think about. ; ) I had a beautiful time and I’ll be pondering and processing for some time. Thank you for sharing this incredible experience with me!

I want to show you the above photo. This is a notebook that my father had given to his younger brother in 1965! My uncle still had it. Inside is a note and it’s signed by my father. Isn’t that amazing?

If you’ve stayed with me this far, thank you for “attending” the wedding with me!

Have you been to an Indian wedding? Do you have questions for me? There is so much more than I shared. I confess, I don’t know many things about the customs and significance of what I witnessed, but I learned some things when I was there, and I can try to find out if you have a specific questions.

Next month—back to our regular scheduled programming. : )

Here’s a creative post I made with a few images from the India trip. Check it out!

Below is a short haiku I wrote in honor of AAPI Heritage Month:

Thank you, friend, for reading and subscribing! If this is your first newsletter from me, you probably subscribed from my website, signed up for the prayer Ebook, for a giveaway, chai recipe, or other resource. I’ll share helpful links, resources, and inspiration each month. If this newsletter encouraged you in some way, would you consider sharing with a friend? (Make sure you check your spam folder and move this email to your inbox!)

Until next month’s Chai Chat!

Make it a lovely one,

Prasanta

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